Paula Andrea Pyle, MA Ed

Be Where Your Feet Are!
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                                                      Hurt Me One More Time, Please

                                                      Why emotional pain in relationships is warranted and celebratory

Hurt Me One More Time, Please.  Authentic hurt filled experience remains the only true teacher. Without it, we merely parrot the words, ideas, and events of others. Our various troublesome involvements and psychologically binding intimate relationships serve as the ‘proving ground’ upon which we build, formulate and hone our inedible characters. Nothing short of gut wrenching pain does the job; except that we “jump in the gutter’ with firsthand experience, we merely live our lives vicariously without the benefit of the hard knocked wisdom gained from it. When we entered the earth plane, via our mother’s dark womb, we esoterically agreed upon meeting and keeping cosmic contracts formed.  If familiar with MODE of Cosmic Therapy Esoteric Astrology, the natal 6th house reveals unearthed secrets regarding just what these converging agreements entail.

Agreements, whether termed cosmic or not, enable a person to fulfill a certain purpose of committed lineage of transformative connection.  In other words, it’s an ongoing process of inexplicable merit. Relationships prove to be the verifiably trusted vehicle of transformative power to enable a person to better understand himself, place in the world and purpose for being alive IF dedicated to observing, studying, and applying the various lessons witnessed, experienced and learned. No other ‘soil to be toiled’ can compare to the revolving intimate relationships one encounters and entangles himself in. For further elucidation, one need only to show up for his life in the exact and precise manner as it unfolds without trying to change, control, alter or manipulate circumstances to gain added insight.

Romantic involvements, most especially, duly complicated ones, do nothing short of transforming the people involved.  Dependent upon the various roles assigned, one or the other usually benefits by a raise in consciousness.  Ask anyone who has ever encountered a mind shattering love affair; he/she will be quick to tell you that the emotionally vexing association caused a heart-searing movement not expected to be experienced. Consciousness is raised when one or the other of five senses is extended.  Though the physical idealistic experience of romance occurs on somewhat of a mental level, the truth carves its initial and lasting impact from a realm bypassing normal thought, altogether. Consequently, consciousness is raised.

Emotional pain liberates but not necessarily at the time it occurs. Pain wakes the person up from his often times indolent slumber.  Usually, the person does not know he’s asleep; nor does he know that a change of consciousness is taking place. In fact, most often times, he is usually the last person to be made aware.  “Hurt Me One More Time, Please,” an unrecognizable and unappreciated mantra, disassociated while going through the turbulent confused despair of seeming loss. We exist so that we may know we are aware of our existence.  No better way to teach us than by experiencing pain, loss, anguish, along with the sense of betrayal that arises from  the experienced sensations of abuse, abandonment and neglect

No one would be able to appreciate the value attached to the lessons of intense emotional pain UNLESS and UNTIL the consciousness has been raised. Before the devastating dissolutions attached to heart break in romantic involvements can be appreciated for their soul rendering merit, one must ask the primary questions,” Who Are You and What Do You Want?” When contemplating the personally motivated inner convictions, what will remain will be the undeniable knowledge that no involvement experienced has been without driving you to answer these underlying primal constituting questions.

“Who Are You And What Do You Want?” What specific stairs have led you to this point in your life and how is the stairway ascending beyond this point as you are able to perceive it? In other words, are you or are you not standing upon the holy ground presented with an appreciative blank slate receptively eager to accept, embrace and entertain whatever unfolds in this day of fertile hours?  Nothing is exempt. Everything is connected. The day provides a multitude of experiences which aid you in your quest of unfolding sublime sensual artistic realizations.

Unless you are geared toward “Paying Attention” to the signs and omens presented, you will continue to bemoan the unsettling romantic involvements in your life as bad and unbefitting.  Not only that, but you will continue to try to blame and criticize others who have seemingly hurt, betrayed and rejected you as something that was NOT supposed to happen. You will no more be able to see the beneficent working of the divine in those tragic acts, as your eyes would be able to see notes of music.  In other words, we, as human beings, are incapable of grasping anything which our consciousness has not been opened enough to receive.

We are so apt to condemn what we don’t understand or fear. Furthermore, we continue to hold grudges long after the fact of their having served any unredeemable purpose. We want to believe someone has hurt, cheated, lied to, betrayed or disappointed us. We need to know we’re THAT special that we have been singled out. Not true. We are all in this thing, called life, together and we will not be passed over in the run of the years for our portion of earth painful experience. We must abide by the inexorable laws of manifestation in some instances, by realizing, we will never know the reasons why some things occurred like they did, have and will. The inexplicable explanations correspond to human limitations of mind and consciousness, not cosmic revelation.

Human events, which are inextricably bound up in the painful, disappointing and disillusioned romantic, intimate and familiar involvements, are merely clear-cut symbols, more exact: tools-of-the-trade, necessary for our precious ruthless soul’s experience and evolvement. From beyond the beginning of the seed behind the seed which manifested as the singular you lay a miraculous ongoing mystery of infinite possibilities. Let’s just pretend, that bound up in the galactic process of living, there exist a set of papers---cosmic contracts---, if you will, that establishes and maintains the far-reaching potential of human beings in their plight toward ascension.

Without a starting point of some sort, be that in the materialization of human beings involved in all sorts of sundry relationships, the method of advancement would be pointless. It may very well still be; we are incapable of knowing. It is by and through the acceptance and application of transmuted realized perception, of pain experienced in relationships that we are able to realize how symbolic enlightenment
arises. Who cares? And, what does that matter? It doesn’t and it won’t unless it matters to you.  The only possible way it can is by your asking the pertinent questions: “Who are you and what do you want?” The obvious answers flood your receptive mind and willing heart by embracing the cherished, undervalued and most perplexing of relationship’s experience, whose pleas of wisdom, ”Hurt Me One More Time, Please,” continually ring out.      


                            






                Who are You and What do You want?

 

Do you have any genuine idea who you really are and what it is you ‘more than anything in the whole wide world’ want? Most people don’t have a clue. They THINK they do, but they are as far removed from the truth of what constitutes their innate being of actual contentment as does a doughnut differ from a New York Strip Steak in nutrient composition.

If you don’t know who you are, you can’t possibly begin to imagine what you absolutely want. Without knowing who you really are, you may have lived your entire life under falsely embellished suppositions, firmly influenced ideas, fearfully established goals, and fastidiously monitored aspirations of others.

Instead of following your own heart’s desire, you may be living out the unfulfilled dreams of others, as a means of pacifying their deeply unresolved natures. Unfortunately, we carry within our own psyches the uninvited, infiltrated voices of countless people who have ever made an impact on us and continue to do so. It matters not whether the impact is negative or positive, the influential voices prevail. Restlessness, lining, weight issues, promiscuity, boredom, depression, anger, loneliness, lawlessness, health concerns, and addiction, whether sexual, alcohol, food, shopping, gossiping, or drugs are verifiable barometers of not knowing, Who you are and what you want.  When we are not in tune with the ‘still small voice’ who resides within the deepest recesses of our ‘natural and convenient’ selves, we manufacture a superficial existence of continued disappointment.

Bottom line:  we are ‘flat out’ miserable. Because we don’t know what to do with ourselves (the untamed bodies and chatter-filled minds we carry around), we blame, criticize, complain, condemn, and contrive drama in order to entertain and distract us. Problem is: we are not amused or diverted for long. We must return to our first love (ourselves) empty handed.

No one (other than yourself) carries the sacred script for your life. You are a god in the making: ‘Master of Divine Essence’ who has simply forgotten his/her celestial heritage.  Endowed with numerous sensual, sublimely sexual artistic gifts waiting to be unearthed, explored, and expressed, you are charged with the ardent responsibility of discovering your creative talents. How will this incomparable self-liberating feat be achieved? By entering the door marked: Enter at Thy Own risk.

Most often times, people stare straightway into the face of their most profound desires and then, turn away because someone says it would not be good for them, it won’t make them any money, or they aren’t cut out for that particular path. Now, tell me, how can they possibly know what’s good for you when an undefined particular yet-to-be manifested destiny lies buried within your frame of reference?

You are certainly NOT what you think you are; nor are you what they think you are. More importantly, are you not innately vested in trying to fulfill any notion they may have of you or for you. Besides, you are simply not inclined or interested, or invested IF the real truth be known. You, alone, are given the arduous task of excavating the searing passion pumping through your veins. No matter IF it seems totally ridiculous, unrelated and completely unattainable. 

Who Are You and What Do You Want? The indomitable question will remain, feeding the restlessness in your unsettled soul, until you dare to take the risk of moving past the barriers and restrictions you’ve placed upon yourself as a ‘means’ of self-vested security.  The incalculable ludicrous ‘ways’ you go about trying to find happiness in your pursuit of fulfilling a supposed role you and others have set plays itself out in sheer lunacy.

It boils down to your coming to terms with a mysterious face you’ve never met, been introduced to or have only had mere glimpses of. Having undervalued, disregarded and misconstrued your true face sublime sensuality, you have attributed (been attracted to) characteristics to/in the other, inadvertently. Because you are not intimately familiar with the inherent resonating tone of your innermost nature, you mistake attributes in the other which naturally reside in you.

Trouble arises in the midst of your assigning ‘yearned for’ personality traits (expecting the other to respond in accordance), in various situations, instead of realizing it is you who possesses the urges and/or repressed expressions. Needless to say, complications ‘rise up’ which thwart communication and fuel unnecessary difficulties in the relationship.

WE create our barriers and form our restrictions based upon false assumptions and projected ideals. In ignorance, do we shun our deepest base desires for fear of not understanding their sanctified origins.  While we remain estranged from our essential (primal) essence, we continue to run into walls, feeling isolated abandoned, depressed, neglected and hopelessly disinterested.

Somehow, we delude ourselves into thinking that unless the instinct driven urge is attached to a worthwhile, respectable and peer approved cause, we will fall into a blackened hole of disrepute. But, nothing could be further from the truth.  We all do what we do with a lust of result’ in mind. We are no without guile. In so being, as one great master said, “if you lust in your heart, it’s as if you already committed the act.” (Paraphrased) 

Never did he say, the instincts were not there for a divine reason or not innocent in their formation. Yet, we continue to push aside these promptings as if they belong to someone else or as if they are hedonistic and vile without reverent purpose and sanctified cause. Ideas, we carry far too many pre-conditioned ideas of others and have so identified with them and their thoughts; we know not how to detach ourselves enough to find our ‘straight and narrow’ way.

Although detachment is the doorway to enlightenment, in the early stages (most especially, when we do not understand the whirlwind of uncertain activity taking place [since we’ve never really experienced it for ourselves]), we either run or hide, seeking every available avenue to numb the unnatural sensation or we try to work ourselves into oblivion.

We’ll do just about anything to keep us from facing the perpetual self-propelled demons of our precious ruthless soul’s release, stalking us.  As long as we keep denying the existence of our unsettled, unexpressed, creatively artistic natures, anger, resentment, bitterness, along with an unrelenting sense of helplessness soon follows course.

Life offers so many blatant clues, signs, symbols and omens of our needful but disruptive despair in order to call us in but we turn a deaf ear. WE either descend further into denial of anything being amiss or we exaggerate the circumstance beyond any possible former recognition of resemblance. Why? We don’t know how to be still in the midst of the turbulent passing storm. We are tossed about by, every wind of advice, rain of rescuing doctrine, snow of appeasing guidance, and sun of comforting suggestions which seem offer optimistic resolutions.

Yet, beneath all of this raging incessantly ego-motivated fury, the ‘still small voice’ waits, unobtrusively.  WE must act; we tell ourselves. We must do something to relive the pressure. We add insult to injury by ascribing to each act, wise or foolish, we undertake, as a rational justification for doing what we do. Sometimes in the most bizarre of circumstances, we result to outlandish measures simply as an introducing scapegoat to an uncompromising, unwarranted end.  

The action taken is therefore perpetrated by an ulterior motive, not necessarily wanting or needing the spurious outcome, but just to ‘act on purpose’ seems to calm the raging waters for a season. But, again, because we are acting outside of ourselves (with our words and hearts not being aligned with the truest intent of our sacredly meticulous souls), we end finding we have merely created another coffin where we play dead. No fun in that! In the end, we are left with the unremitting question: Who are you and what do you really want?




                                                                                           

 

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